234 days since graduation

I graduated from a well known, prestigious college in September 2009. This is the first year that I am actually beginning to feel like an adult. I'm finally learning to refer to it as "adult" and not "grown-up." Baby steps. Since my graduation I have worked as a canvaser for one of those non-profit groups that stop you on the street and beg you for money (only at this job we went door-to-door, at dinner time no less), and a nanny. I am currently pursuing a Post Baccalaureate Pre-med Certificate, with the goal of entering med school in 2012. In the mean time I want to find a job that is more fulfilling than retail, more stable than childcare and, ideally, will look good on a med school application. I have sent out my resume to more HR departments than I would like to admit. So far the best I have gotten is a phone call at a time I couldn't talk and a promise he'd call back that I am still (a month later) waiting to see carried out. This is a blog about my struggle to cope with the fact that I am now a certified adult completely responsible for myself and in control of my future (well as in control as I'll ever be.)

It has been 234 days since I graduated, and $40,000 into debt after graduating college, I am no more qualified to do any job than I was with my high school diploma. Most expensive piece of paper ever. Part of the problem is that I have a Bachelor's of Fine Arts in Writing, Literature, and Publishing, but I spent my college time working as a Nanny and at Natural Grocery Chain. Without any internship experience I am qualified to do exactly that: child care and retail. Today, I visited a staffing agency. My agent told me I am not qualified to work as an Administrative Assistant. I can type 75 WPM with 95% accuracy, I speak English Fluently and I can tell time. How am I only qualified to be a receptionist. For those of you who don't know, Administrative Assistant is the PC term for Secretary. I have a college degree and I am not qualified to be a Secretary. Needless to say, I will not be returning any of her phone calls in the future. I am on to bigger and better staffing agencies!

One thing I did get out of the meeting, is that I needed to buy a business jacket. On my way home I stopped in at a discount out of season store. They did not have a lot of women's business attire, and what they did have was not separates or in my size, but I reluctantly picked up an $80 sized 8 suit and tried it on. I don't know if it was the fact that I was swimming in the thing or that it was the first time I'd seen myself dressed in business attire, but I looked in the mirror and I saw an eight-year-old playing dress-up in her mother's clothes (though ironically, I would be surprised to find out my mother ever owned a suit.). I decided $80 was too much to spend when all I needed was a jacket and it looked like something I'd stolen from my grandmother (who also probably never owned a suit). The last thing I need is Stacy and Clinton running down the street after me.

I did eventually find a jacket, and it was only $35! I look less like a child in it than the other suit, but I still find myself wondering how I got here. When did I grow up? Who decided I am qualified to be an adult? Who would ever hire me; I'm a child in an adult's body. Does everyone feel this way? Does anyone ever feel like an adult? At what age does the word adult not feel dirty and off limits? Will you hire me :-)?